May Reads

25. The Girl Who Stopped Swimming by Joshilyn Jackson ****
(Florida)

I stole this one from Sonja's book list. Talk about skeletons in the closet... though it is true that I think many people, myself included, try to make their world seem all pretty and perfect when in reality there is some scary and weird stuff out there. 

26. Between, Georgia by Joshilyn Jackson ****
(Georgia)

Another one stolen from Sonja's list. Anyway... 1) Between, GA is a real place... who knew? 2) I felt all proud of myself cause I actually knew what kudzu was... I feel so Southern. 3) I loved the characters in this story. They were definitely extremely unique, but all tied into the story nicely. A little formulaic, but trust me... it's just what I needed.

27. The Exiled Queen by  Cinda Williams Chima ****

Allyson gave me this one. Sonja gave me the first book for Christmas and I read it on the airplane ride home. I didn't even know Allyson had the second one, but as she was printing something one day she noticed it on my list of "to read" books. It wasn't quite as captivating as the first one, but I still liked how the characters developed and their stories intertwined... now I need to read the third one!

28. I'm Half Sick of Shadows by Alan Bradley *****
(Bishop's Lacy, England)

I love these books. They make me happy. Flavia's adventures continue in this fourth installment. 

29. God Never Blinks by Regina Brett ****
(Ohio - Memoir)

This book is a series of essays written by journalist Regina Brett. She wrote them for her 50th birthday and published them in her local Ohio newspaper. High demands for their reprint led her to compile them in a book. So many tidbits, and needed reminders. A nice feel good book.

30. Abby Carnelia's One and Only Magical Power by David Pogue ****
(New Hampshire and Pennsylvania)

This book was ridiculous...and reminded me somewhat of the Secret Benedict Society. It was a cute book with silly characters and over the top villians... much like a melodrama in print format. (Applause now!)

31. Girl in Hyacinth Blue by Susan Vreeland *****
(Netherlands)

I picked this up from the book exchange at Curves probably a year ago and am just getting around to reading it now. I really liked this book. It tells the story of a painting from it's modern owner all the way back to the story of its muse. An interesting twist on time travel for sure. 

32. The Loser List by H.N Kowitt ****
(Grand Rapids, Michigan)

This is a book Allyson picked up at a book fair last year and has been sitting on my desk for about that long. It's a cute little story about honesty, crazy misunderstandings, and happy endings. Middle schoolers crack me up.

33. The Truth about Truman School by Dori Hillestad Butler *****

This book was a great example of cyberbullying. I'm sure I'm not even aware of some of the stuff that goes on among students, but I think this would be a great book to read with a class of middle schoolers or even upper elementary school. Cyberbullying is crazy real and conversations about the negative effects of it are just one step adults can take to facilitate its demise. I think this would be a great starter for that conversation.

34. The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent ****
(Andover, Massachusetts)

"Life is not what you have or what you can keep. It is what you can bear to lose." An interesting perspective of the Salem witch hunts back in the early 1700s. This story is actually based on the author's own genealogy. Power, failure to accept the status quo, and skepticism lead to the hunting of witches and a daughter's struggle to decide what, and who, is right. 

Hole in my Bucket

There's a hole in my bucket. 

See?

I've had two of these buckets forever it seems... 

and they are PERFECT for sugar and flour. 

And they are PERFECT for what they represent

I'm sure it's clear why I love them so...

But they've given out on me.

I had to replace them. 

I even looked online to see if I could replace them outright. 

Fail. 

So to the big dumpster in the sky they went. 

A little bit of my soul went with them.

Though I was thrifty and replaced them 

with free buckets from the bakery... 

left over doughnut glaze anyone??

Not nearly as cool. 

Just sayin'

My Selfish Broken Heart

My heart breaks. 

In case you haven't noticed, and you may not have, I've been having a bit of a "why me pity party" the last several weeks. Some choices I made, or didn't as the case may be, led to my own broken heart. A complete surprise to me, honestly, but a reality nonetheless. No, I don't want to talk about it, and yes, I still cry about it more often than I probably should. It hurts. What can I say? So I've been fighting my own demons, repeating my own mantras, and trying to find my way back to zen. 

I've tried a few things to get out of this rut, but most of them have left me empty and still feeling sorry for myself. But it's been getting better. I promise. But still, I feel like I'm missing the point on a lot of things. For example... Yesterday I had an opportunity to go help someone move. I didn't want to do it. Not necessarily for the reason you'd think, but still; I didn't want to go. Which is why I did. Unfortunately, it turned into snarkfest 2012 and while it provided entertainment for some others, it didn't really help me get out of my funk. This is kind of par for the course lately. 

Then a really uninvited guest showed up... last night on Facebook, which unfortunately has become a bit of a crutch for me lately, there were requests for prayers and petitions for peace for one of the students at my high school. Never a good sign. Never. Then this morning I receive a phone call from my supervisor. Really never a good sign. Never. 

This young student suffered a brain aneurysm and was life flighted to Duke where he underwent surgery to relieve the pressure in his brain. He did not survive. 

My heart breaks.

Each year since I've worked at this high school there has been at least one student death. Sometimes more. All of them sudden; some of them more violent than others. Each one breaks my heart. Sometimes I've known the student personally, most often not. But it doesn't matter. They are stalwart students; active in their education and in their life. They are friends, children, and precious. Then they are snatched away from their families in moments that only God can understand and explain. 

Yet it is my job to help a student body grieve. I never quite know what to do or say... but this time especially. How do I help them to find answers in a situation that seems unexplainable. To provide comfort to others when I am so desperately seeking it myself. To give assurance of God's plan without naming it as such because I work for the government. To encourage to carry on, when I can barely hold my own head up. I'm really not sure I can do it this time. 

But you know what? I will. I'll go to work here in a few hours, I'll put on my game face and I'll do my job. Because I'm good at it. And because I have made a covenant to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. 

And while the demons I've been fighting are real and scary for me, they can't hold a candle to the demons this family must now face.  I've known that all along. I know my woes are minimal compared to those of so many in this world (both near and far to me), and even though I've been reminded of this time and time and time again, it doesn't make my fight any less real. It's a battle just for me. So though I cannot guarantee that spending the next few days doing crisis counseling will help me fight harder or make my own selfish feelings of pity and doubt abate, I can hope, right? 

My mantra has changed from day to day, but today I think it must be this: May God grant me the serenity I need to be His true disciple and live up to His name; let me be His healing hands.

For He is truly the healer of broken hearts. 

Even mine. 

Steps to Zen

Thanks John Dee for taking me one step closer to zen.

www.myspace.com/johndeeholemanblues

Or?

I was working with a first grader recently and I asked him to write a sentence using the word or.

"Or," he asked. "Like or you put in the car?"

The expression on my face must have given me away as having no idea what he was talking about, as he then went on to say, "You know. Or. Like you put in the engine to make it work good."

Oh. Oil.

I'll tell ya, even after nine years here in the south, there are a few people who still throw me for a loop.

Amen, Amen, Selah

 

If March was like a tornado... April has been like a category 5 hurricane... and I've been in the middle of it. It's been a ride to say the least, but I'm not sure it's one I want to repeat any time soon. In fact, I feel a little worse for wear. Many words could describe pieces of this month. For example, excited, tired, anticipation, fat & happy, content, pleased, confused, silent, self-pitying, disappointed, self-doubting, homesick, plateaued... the list could go on.

In merciful juxtaposition, however, this month has also provided me a reminder of my eternal covenants their power to teach, my worth to my Heavenly Father, how I am often comforted by music and poetry, the power of good friends, and the reality of ministering angels.

One of the many mercies I witnessed this month was in the book, The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman. Not only did it remind me of my sister (as she recommended it) and of Masada (a place a visited last summer), but it was full of beautiful imagery and verse that reminded me about the trial of faith that is often required when one is seeking to live by a higher power. There were just so many lines in there that just spoke to my soul in this tumultous month. One of my favorites was "Amen, Amen, Selah" and in conjunction with a verse from Psalm 68, has become my mantra of late.

Selah is a Hebrew word that basically means "pause and reflect." It's often found at the end of King David's Psalms and encourages the reader/singer to stop and ponder (and prepare for the next musical phrase). In some ways, it's much like "amen" in that it is a closure to a verse, but you are agreeing with and supporting what just proceeded.

So while life has been a little crazy lately, I'm doing my best to recognize the good, the tender, the merciful. I'm trying to reflect more on those aspects of my life than on the negativity attempting to seep out. And every time I'm successful at focusing on something positive and am thus reminded that I will survive, I can't help but repeat to myself...

Amen, Amen, Selah.