miss ashlee: November 2008

When I moved to NC I really didn't know anyone out here. Through the Bishop I had met a girl as I stayed with her when I came out for my interview. She introduced me to a few others that were still here when I arrived. As I adjusted to the move and the new ward, I met a variety of people. Some I got along with almost immediately and some I just clashed with.

There was one girl in particular that I felt completely intimidated by. She was beautiful. She was confident. She was brilliant. She constantly had social events lined up and was often planning other events that people longed to be apart of. She was best friends with another girl who did not at all like the first girl I met (for a variety of reasons, but whatever). Their friendship intimidated me. Nothing seemed to shake her. She was everything I felt I was not. And for that reason I figured I would never be good enough for her social graces and just counted my losses and moved on.

About a year after I was here, I was called to be the YSA Rep for my stake. Part of my responsibility was to plan the annual conference. Woah. I asked for volunteers to help me plan. I had one friend that didn't necessarily volunteer but knew because of my dependence on her she would be sucked into it anyway. The real surprise came when this beautiful, confident, brilliant woman e-mailed me and said she would be willing to help.

I was surprised because I thought she didn't like me. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she just wanted to make the conference better. I don't know. What I do know is that through the three years of her help on this conference (as well as a multitude of other things) I have gained a friend I never thought I was good enough to have.

I've found we have several similarities...many of which she as helped me discover in the first place. We both love spreadsheets and databases. We both love shoes and shopping for said items. We both love to travel. We both love the temple and the wonderful promises therein. We both have an exterior that shows little of who we really are (gaining our trust is a privilege that we hold very dearly). We both love to be surrounded by people but in the same breath we both love to be alone. We both love the NC State Fair with a passion that's perhaps not normal. We both are absolutely terrified of spiders and have no shame in calling men to come squish them for us while we scream like girls. We both are confidants and supporters for a variety of people. We both answer "I'll be okay" regardless of the truth of that statement. We both wonder what we're doing here. We both are fiercely loyal. We both hold our emotions in until they brim over like a volcano.... We both work hard at keeping up appearances.

At least for me, keeping up appearances can be draining. Sometimes you feel like screaming, crying, and throwing a little tantrum and the only one that ever seems to know is the Bishop (why is he so observant?). You don't want to burden anyone with your drama. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to turn. You feel stretched beyond your stretching point with the demands of church, work, and social life; at the same time you feel excluded by everyone and everything you know and love. You feel so void....

Throughout the years this friend has helped me through several moments like that. I don't know if she even realizes it. She offers some tidbit of wisdom that gets me thinking and back in the right state of mind. She affirms that it's okay to be 'antisocial' for a while. She knows just the right thing to say and/or do to heal minds and bandage hearts. I hope one day to return the favor. She is beautiful. She is brilliant. She is confident. She is my friend. She is so much more... I love you girl...

miss ashlee

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I Heart Fall!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

UNCidiss

Monday, November 3, 2008

Keeping Up Appearances

Sunday, November 2, 2008

October Fest!